Psychic Rations

Blue Skies

Getting out of town was just awesome - not just fun but ...  fun.

I could bore you with every last detail of our trip but to tell the truth, apart from a very close bush fire there was very little excitement at all.  It was relaxing, fun and flowing.  We ate, we drank, we sang badly; we talked, laughed and soaked up some much needed sunshine in the company of good friends - all in all what was needed to chase away the Great-Southern grey that had permeated us after a long, long winter.  Where we live is without a doubt picturesque and breathtakingly beautiful,  but the weather often is bleak and colourless.  After a while you tend not to notice the vast landscapes, or exquisite oceanic views;  instead you grimace at the dark clouds looming over-head and sigh heavily as you flick the switch for your wipers - once again struggling to see through the ever present drizzle on your windscreen.  Everything is soaked in dulled lighting while being rocked by a relentless, chilly wind.   I have heard of the 'winter blues'  but not realised how I suffer from it, how we all suffer from it.

We drove right back into it when we came home.

We are going back to Perth in two weeks - maybe sans Kiddies (?), for more of that good city livin'.  There will be more eating, more drinking, but hopefully next time I will reign in the ice-cream frenzy because today dudes, I am itchy.  I had LOTS of ice-cream, more than I ever have had before and I have become this dried out, pit-scratching mong that is starting to flake so much I could probably 'white-out' the Christmas tree.  It was worth it and I handled the stomach cramps, but the skin coming off is a worry - oh and my face is swollen - oops .. heh.

I'm not sure what I weigh since I got back, I'm staying off the scales for a week because I know the outcome is going to be less than impressive - but despite setting myself back a bit, I have no regrets - me and my lovely boy lived this last weekend and the spring it has put in our strides takes us up through the grey clouds and shows us the blue skies we have been missing

 

PS - I also got a V exciting and specky camera to play with while I was away - budding photographer can be added to my list of talents now too!

Ooh Ahhh

Howdy ju-bee's!  As you can see I am feeling rather chipper, which usually means ... 

*drum roll* 

SCALE DROP! 

Woke up this morning,  rubbed the haze from eyes, squared off with the scales and voila! I'm not sure what demon invited itself to occupy my Tanita's today, but lordy it can stay - WOOT.  I like it MUCH better than the surly, negative bastard that normally flashes evil numbers at me every other day.  Much nekked happy dancin' was done in the twilight atmosphere of the early morning bathroom for the new reported low of 56.2kgs .... dudes I can almost smell it.  And I am sure my neighbors are very glad I remembered to close the vertical blinds last night because I don't think of these things before I down trou in the morning to weigh myself .. (Not that a wrinkled little brown raisin bopping about in the raw isn't just bonnie and all).

Yesterday with my PT I did a cracking legs/glutes workout.  At the time I thought 'yeah that felt good but could go either way, could be pansy, could be great', but honestly I was leaning more toward the pansy.  As of about three hours ago the pansy roared up to it's full height of mutant-ass-kicking-no-more-mr-nice-guy and seized my legs and backside as if they were strapped to two giant Paddle Pop sticks and any movement or variation from this position is to cause extreme discomfort and pain - I am in heaven!!  With every bend and involuntary 'gnnnaahhh', and 'owarrhhhh' I am smiling like a git.  I love DOMS, it means good, nay, great things. 

Totally off topic here, but today while I was lunching with some girlfriends (celebrating a birthday YAY!) and they were talking about a bunch of folk I didn't really know, I couldn't help but think back to that cartoon Gargoyles - do you know the one?  The first thing that popped into my head is how hunky-hot that Goliath was and how much I still dig his onion.   I don't know what kind of mojo they gave that piece of animation but it was kickin'.   Save the loin cloth and nasty belt and throw that sucker into some Levi's and a white tee, and I reckon I would swoon.  Huge canons, definition, mystery AND turns into a lump of inconspicuous rock at sunrise - sweet perfection from the end of a pencil.  I wonder why they don't show re-runs on Saturday mornings?  Might give me cause the waylay the gym session for a few hours, hubba hubba!

 Back to the lunch though, it was brilliant and I had the best chicken and roasted sweet potato salad I have ever had in my life (well it's the only one I have had so far but I think for the virgin tasting I could have done a lot worse).  Ate far too much but enjoyed every last mouthful and now feel like I should not have to partake of anything for about a week. The company was brilliant, the conversation flowing and the food - well I have already said what that was like. 

It's weird for me to be in that situation amongst people so close, when we were growing up we moved so often I never really formed a close bond with anybody.  Several times I reflected today on how normal it all seemed, and how out of place I felt.  They reminisced about trips they had taken and times they had shared and the stories were entertaining and laugh-out-loud funny; I was glad I was there ....

but it was foreign and I felt like I was standing outside a window looking in.

  

Ooops She Did It Again

Yeah I blew NaBloPoMo - but hey at least I set goals that I can fail at oh so badly.

Super excited at the moment as me and Mr G are taking a road trip this weekend.  He is doing a bit of TEE marking and we have to go pick up the papers in Perth, but we are making a wee trip of it and actually spending some time together.   'Nooo, get the flock outta dodge...'  I hear you say but no, it's true ... an adventure if you will, out into the big city wilderness.  Hand in hand we shall skip to the nearest Baskin Robins for some luscious-lickin, tummy-rumblin, lactose-laden fun.  We are packing the two little girls into Beno and zooming off to a friends place for some G on G hang time.  Uber cool.

On the weekend we went to the local Show, it rained, it drizzled, it winded and was all round miserable weather, but I think in spite of the mild hypothermia the kids had a good time.  Show bags were bought, junk was eaten and rides were ridden.  I entered some of my wines with Mr Outdoorsy and scored: a silver for the celery, a bronze for the pineapple, fig, kiwi, plum and aged lemon.  Not a trophy but I will be back next year bigger and better than ever.  I am going to use the next twelve months to learn how to kick wine booty because I really want a sniff of that sash, maybe even get a lick of the big shiny silver cup.  Not that I am competitive ...   *ahem*

Food crisis is over and weight is back to respectable 56.8kgs this morning, not really going to say too much about it because I feel like I am jinxing myself out.  Every time I come in here and start boasting that I am all food-fantastic I fall in heap and have to eat my smug little sentences along with a gargantuan pile of chocolate and retro party mix.  So far, so good.  Will be even better if I get down a bit further but I don't want to stretch the friendship.  All my weights have gone up in the last week so I feel that progress is happening and changes should be taking place, however, I scrutinise my floppy bits too often to actually know if I am changing or if I am just getting distorted vision from practically twisting my whole head around on my body to catch a gander at my butt.  I once saw stars from doing that.

Anyhoo - short and sweet today
Chia xx

 

under construction

Right now life is all about balance for me, I'm feeling like my whole world is under construction.  Even though I am still trying to kick off the last three kilograms,  I am being forced to try my hand at some semblance of maintenance living because of the negative direction my training and eating have taken the last couple of weeks.  This is not an easy thing and I have been worried about this part for a good long while.  I have always expounded to all who listened that losing the weight was the easy part, keeping it off is a new hell all of it's own.  Currently my wise words have come to fruition and are biting me in my well-padded ass.

I think I will struggle for a while in coming to terms with my food, how I am going to tackle it, and how I am going to learn to stabilise when the going gets tough.  The stabilisation part is the centrifugal force to my entire being at the moment.  I don't want to stay where I am but my main focus has shifted from losing to at the very least maintaining the status quo, stopping the out of control freight-train of food from roaring me clean out of my size 8 jeans and back to an era of insecurity, stress and loathing.  I love being the way I am now and I can't fathom being larger, but how do I turn that internal love into external success?

On those bad days when I stand on the scales and they show me gain, I want to yell and scream and have a big ol' tanty in my bathroom (which I normally do) but then when I calm down I think to myself "Well what am I going to do?  Am I going to quit and make things worse or do I just keep going and hope it works out?".  What am I doing if not actively trying my best? Not trying would be conceding to failure, and I just don't think I can do that.  I have to keep trying because I know where I came from and it would be soul destroying to do that to myself again.  I don't swan around telling people to look at my skinny butt, and I don't flaunt outrageously - I just don't even think about how my bum looks anymore and THATS the part that I love.  I can chuck on any old garb and not give a rats wrinkle about how I look or if I have any pokey-outey bits.  This, what I am now, gives me a freedom that nothing can buy.

I don't understand why all of a sudden I have hit the wall, maybe if I could get to the bottom of it I could set about solving it - however it is mighty hard to fix an issue if you don't know the underlying problems.  It's a bit like that Eternity puzzle, you have one square to start with and a million possibilities at your fingertips.  You are guaranteed to get it wrong a good trillion times before you solve it and you just pray that you don't lose it with the little cardboard pieces and fling them into the fire (wasn't that a snazzy little analogy - pixie points for me!). 

My life is much like that right now, but I am trying to devise a plan of attack so that I don't end up spitting the dummy and making all my hard work count for naught.  I'm cleaning up my act, and cleaning up my eating.  I'm not cutting back my calories just yet, but I am going to make sure that I dedicate the time to prepare really nice meals so that I am inspired to eat them instead of reaching for the nearest protein bar or un-fulfilling pre-packaged crap.  I am going to enjoy my workouts and I will balance them with good rest so that I can continue to enjoy them while marveling at my changing body.   I'm trying to accept that a day off is ok, not the root of all evil and a one way path to destruction.

This is a ride I should be loving emotionally and physically - I need to be proud of myself and I also need to cut myself some slack and take a break instead of flogging myself to death.  I need to accept that I have done it and even if I don't lose the last three kilo's, I am there.   

None of what I have said is a great epiphany, but it was enough to successfully get me through today. I am proud of my efforts and tomorrow will be another day - a better day.

Fiasco At The Dinner Table

The last week nutritionally has been a nightmare.  All of a sudden wee-focussed-lassie-who-was-kicking-lard's-arse, turned into I-don't-wanna-do-this-anymore-it-sucks.  Don't ask me how or why, it just did and I kind of felt like the victim of a drive-by water bombing.  One second standing all clean and godly and the next, a sodden miserable mess.  A sodden miserable mess who was up 1.5kgs for her sorry arsed troubles I tell you. 

Now, I know I wandered into the path of carbs and chocolahhh - but seriously 1.5 kilos is just ripped off!  I would have enjoyed it a LOT more had I known that was coming.  I would have really eaten slowly and sniffed each morsel before it got unceremoniously mushed up in my gob for swallow, and I probably would have chewed it twice as long - maybe even sucked it a bit. 

Since then I have been struggling to stay within my calorie allowance so I have had to let go of the reigns a bit and bring myself back up to 1650 so that I feel semi-respectable and not ogre-come-ravenous by 8.30pm.  I had to do something to stop me from manically ferreting through the cupboards for some kind of sugar-laden promise of energy, because I could see all my hard work going to buggery with each and every food episode that played out real-time (all three of them - yeup, just three).  Which I can tell you, from where I sit (2 years of slog baby) is a damn crying shame.

I'm not sure how the calorie increase is going to effect me, I am not going to stand on the scales for another seven days (foolish pinky pact with excellent friend in moment of stupidity) so fingers crossed it doesn't send me to the land of fat.  Realistically I know the extra 250 calories in the grand scheme of things shouldn't do jack, but it's me (my bastard body that does nothing by the rules) and I also just came out of the weekend eating an extra 500 - 600 instead of my allotted 250.  I am okay with that, it was good nutritious food and my mood has been brilliant as a result, but today is really my first day of the 250+ experiment.

So wish me luck, 7 days with no scales to tell if I am good or bad, just the sexy-flat-stomach test first thing in the morning and some unforgiving jeans - yikes!

Did I miss day one??

I dont know how this NaBloPoMo works - if it's on my time or theirs but I am trying for theirs so gee-up for my first lame-o post of many this month