Psychic Rations

Breaking The Ice

Halleluja I am well and without cooties!

My trainer is back from Europe!

I'm back on track with my nutrition!

I know you are just bursting with excitement but all of this has happened in the last three days so, lets leave our frilly knickers in the 'special' drawer for the time being, I'll send a signal when total plan adherence exceeds three days.

Easter was a riot, we had hens nights, weddings, camping, shopping in Perth, visitors from Perth and chocolate - SO. MUCH. CHOCOLATE.  So much chocolate I have 8kgs to goal again *sigh*.   I'm not disheartened, just, I don't know - just *sigh*.  

I received the entry forms to the half marathon in the mail last week and for about two days I was really tempted, I miss running a lot - it was therapeutic and relaxing, it is my addiction.  I still do 30 minute stints with the bodybuilding but nothing beats distance.  I was incredibly tempted to commit but I eventually decided I want to focus on my lifting goals thus I declined (you might still find the form in the back of my diary just in case I change my mind ..  heh).  I am determined to get gorgeous googies, and a butt that can crack macadamias. 

At the moment life around here is changing.  The result is a lack of motivation on all fronts, nutrition, training and even my blog.  It's been nothing major or specific but enough of a tilt that I've needed time-out while I've re-established my rhythm.  The dynamics of the house are shifting as the kids get older and it has a ripple effect into all the areas of our lives.  It's not all bad, C and I have been spending heaps of time together and I haven't had to bust out the Voodoo Doll on him in like, forever. The downside is that I get edgy with change, and as fun as it can be turning into an anxious socail recluse with obsessive compulsive tendancies, I'd rather not.  I've really got my hands quite full nurturing my inner anal retentive.

I'm tired and I have to train in the morning so good-night for now, I'll continue navel gazing another time  

Captain Tranny Pants

Before I embark on todays post I just HAVE to give honorable mention to Beyonce Knowles and her " I am ......Sasha Fierce" tour outfits.  Why?  Because looking at them made me laugh out loud - she looks like ..  well hell knows what she looks but it is hilarious. It's all animal print come Optimus-Prime, and although she has the very talented Thierry Mugler bandying the cause, she looks like a tranny. 

I don't know what it is about about poor old Beyonce but she really does skate the fine line between drop dead gorgeous and He-Man (by the power of Greyskuuuuuuull).  Grace whats-her-face used to make me think the exact same thing.

Autobots - Lets ROLL!!

Okay off the fashion subject now even though it's the one frontier I could spend ALL day on, I know that the vast majority of folk asscoiate that with a very high yawn factor. 

I'm good - well sort of.  I'm up and around and feeling a lot less like a festering diseased rat but I am not out of the woods yet. My chest is still infected, and I'm using every tissue within reach, however I threw caution to the wind and I trained today.   Dosed myself with a little Black Powder for dutch courage and set off for the gym before my already pitiful muscles become complete pancakes. 

I managed to run 6 whole minutes on the threadmill before I felt my lungs revolt (by way of hacking and wheezing and the ejection of lung oysters) and then I put myself through a 40 minute, semi-decent session of back & bi's.  I have lost a lot of form and still being unwell is taking a huge toll on my stamina but I'm back in whatever capacity I can be.  On a scale of 1 to 10 I would say I was probably operating on a 6.5 to 7.  I felt pretty good afterward but since lunch time I haven't been able to keep my body temp and I have that uncomfortable all over body ache like I'm getting sick again.  Training is on again tomorrow because I just can't afford the time off and I suppose it will just be a long slow road to recovery.

The IFBB pro show in Perth was nothing short of amazing!  There are photos but as I forgot my own camera I have to ask permission to use the pictures here on the Ration.  I came away with a whole new respect for the athletes and how much effort it requires to even stand on the stage and pose.  Congratulations to all the competitors but especially Michelle Nazaroff & Nic Jones who came in hard and won their classes and overall.  The routines and bodies were a site to behold and I am so glad I went because I learned more than I could have imagined.  Unfortunately due to lack of support and sponsorship the IFBB Elite Pro Championships will not be held in Perth any longer.  This is such a shame for body building in WA and for Mike O'Mara who put his heart, soul and finances on the line to host this over the years.  We still have the  October show and I will definitely be there as a spectator - hopefully I will have a bit of form myself!

I did have so much more to say but seriously, I need to go lay down and take a bloody panadol or something - this is like the lurgey from hell.

Vote 1 Technology

Today I am having an "I heart technology" day.  It could be because I am still recovering and unable to do much between bouts of nausea and a spinning head, but I have discovered that I can have everything linked between my laptop and mobile phone!  Thanks to a nifty little program, I don't even need to have a browser open to update and stay abreast of the various networks and my blog.  Can you see the hearts dinking off my head?  Now I am going to invest in mobile broadband - unstoppable.. heh.

But, I have finished with all that and I am SO bored. 

No, really.  There is nothing to do except lay here amongst the sea of crumpled tissues, packets of strepsils, and half filled water bottles, while I let the obdurate thumping take over my poor snot-filled head and I wait patiently for the infections to relinquish their morbid grasp on my respiratory system.

I keep trying to talk to Miss Moo but she is watching The Wild Thornberries movie with her new DS glued to her hand, and she keeps shooting me filthy looks as if I am interrupting or something.

Anyways, to abate my boredom I am going to look at the top 5 headers of my current emails:

1. We need you! Help us choose 2009's Sexiest Woman in the World - umm i'd rather not, I don't find chicks attractive like 'that' and seriously, do I look like I GAF about it right now?  Sexy to me is a packet of Panadeine Forte, a steaming heat wheat pillow and full box of tissues.

2. Whales Trucked To Flinders Bay - gosh this is just so sad. 'More than 70 whales and dolphins died on Monday after becoming stranded at Hamelin Bay, south of Margaret River, in WA's South-West'.  I don't know why, but I always feel a soul-searing sadness when it comes to whales.  Such majestic and intelligent creatures.  To me this is a real tradgedy that makes my heart ache.

~~interrupting the email header segment to let you all know I had to change the DVD for moo to Ice Age 2.  Upon return to my couch and sea of snotty tissues I spotted a dead frickin GECKO ON THE CARPET which I had to move by arming myself with 99 out of the 100 tissues left in my box, i think my arse flipped out by eating my head - oh my god - WHY ME?  That was dEEsgUsting~~

3.  Its all about the boobs! - The intellectual activity of the electronic media that is sent to my inbox is astounding, not on a good level.  Heaven forbid these writers should try and capture reader interest by exercising a capacity for smarts.  This email is actualy adressing the very serious issue of breast cancer, so why not give it the gravity it deserves and use language conducive to piquing the interest of the correct gender rather than descending it to the pits of 'porn mag by-lines'.  If you were appealing to a bunch of blokes maybe that header would be appropriate; but if it weren't for my boredom project that would have gone straight to the trash.

4.  LIQUOR HOME DELIVERY SPECIALS - Alriiiiiiight, now we are cooking with gas!  Show me the OP

5.  Blood Flow To Make It Stay, MATE! LOOKE HERE! Make your apparatus BIGGER!  Thicker!  Firmer! - Well, they totally missed their target market with that one.  If I were considering surgery to be a chick with a d!ck then hell yeah!  I'd be interested.  As a wife/mother of 4 who just wants a decent casserole recipe, they dipped out.  I can't imagine myself with a b0ner, I don't think it would be very pretty.   

I keep getting flashback of Dead-Gecko-Tail hanging limply from my pile of tissues - I think I am scarred and I can't help but wonder how the poor little sausage died.  I hope I in no way contributed to his untimely end, I'd have to lose sleep over that.  It was sad - but really, really gross.

Well, I might haul my sorry ass off to the medicine cabinet and abuse some pain killers, at least then I only have the rising nausea to contend with and I can pretend this earache is just a figment on my imagination. 

Chia for now and I hope enjoyed the eclectic collection of rambling from the ailing ration - lacking in genius for sure but hey, nobody pays me.

Strepsils, Infections, Parties and an elephant in the room

I have not trained since last Tuesday, I say this not as a confession but as a testament to the complete train wreck I have become. 

I was once told by a naturopath (or by someone of that professional nature)  that sometimes recurrent illness can be a reflection of a persons psyche, for example, someone who suffers from a recurring sore throat may feel gagged or unable to speak their mind in their daily lives. 

So, if we take that practitioners example and put that into a context with my ilnesses we can cogitate the following:

- There's shit on my chest I need to get off (big bastard chest infection - hacking up loogies)

- There's something up my nose (bugging me) that I need to get out  (sinus infection - copious boogers)

- I must feel that I am not heard and unable to speak my mind (lost voice and sore throat)

- I'm tired of listening to shit (ear ache)

- And lastly I think maybe I need to eat?  (really I'm not too sure, but my wisdom tooth on my bottom left tried to break my optimistic and sunny disposition for 6 days straight.  Normally it just signals every six months or so like a harbinger of pain, but this time it demonstrated the full retributory punishment for being the furthermost and least thought about dental attribute - surmise what you will from that manifestation, I'm either starving or I secretly want bite someone really hard). 

I'd rather go with the thought that it wasn't an ebullition that materialised as a bacterial onslaught because if my emotions are in control my physical well-being, then I am screwed.

As tough as it has been this last week, it hasn't all been phlegm and angst.  I will shine a golden ray on this painful and bleak instalment by telling you that being abhorrently ill for a lengthy period of time tends to renew one's appreciation for the little things in life.  Like say.....

- breathing without feeling the pain of the fallen Titans

- the ability to sleep with your mouth closed so that you don't drool all down the side of your own face

- a wee tickle in throat as opposed to coughing so hard that you eject your lungs, exposing all those lovely, little, inside-out alveoli 

Being that sick definitely teaches you lessons.  I shant ever quibble about minor ailments again, while the scent of death lingers in my nostrils as a stark reminder of what is really 'ill'. 

Now if you will, please raise your glasses in salute and cheer to the person responsible for painkillers!!

I've ingested more painkillers in the last week than I have imparted the F word, and that is really saying something.  Every time I was forced to move/swallow/blink it came with a very capital F followed by a grunted UUUUCK ..  If I had to eat, or get up, we had a F and an UUCK.  If I had to wince ..  well, you get the picture.  It was much like an adult version of the Sesame Street word train, but I didn't have enough steam to bring it all together so it stayed disjointed FFFFF ....... UUUUCK,     FFFFFFF ........ UUUUCK.  I must have sounded like a dying crow.  Mind you, a dying crow that downed pain medication like a bag of peanut butter M&M's and for that opportunity, I am truly grateful.  God bless the pharmacy and Mrs HomeAlone.

Now, just chuck in the mandatory birthday cake made by mum, a kids birthday party consisting of a dozen 9 year old "punks" tearing around my house,and a mobile phone dunked in a cup of coffee (RIP) and we can call it quits.

No training until further notice but I have stopped browsing online headstones

xx

 

A quick plug

I noticed the other day while I was working on The Ration that my stats had gone through the roof - when I checked where the hits were coming from I was led to Alphainventions.com.  If you are a small time blogger and you don't get much site traffic, then Cheru Jackson (the site creator) is your man!  I don't know how I managed to feature before I visited but it does amazing things for your traffic. 

Basically it is a self loading program that runs a rotation of Blogs as they are updated in real time.  If you like any of the blogs then you can pause the feed, and go read/bookmark the site.  It's a mecca of new blogs at your fingertips and all you have to do is sit and watch until something takes your fancy.

/End Transmission on the infomercial

Lets take gorgeous and turn it into twat

I can't say I have ever really been into Dora the Explorer all that much personally, but when my younguns were younger I was more inclined to listen to their impassioned DVD pleas for the South American Adventures over some sickly pink foofie Barbie dancing crap.  To me Dora just seemed a little more grounded and a little more real.  She seemed to have good old fashioned, non-pretentious fun with her talking map and backpack, while dealing with a kleptomaniac fox.  A cute chubby little girl with her belly poking out, wearing hardy play clothes - chasing stars, solving problems and praising her own success.  It's the stuff toddler dreams are made of I tell you.

Now it would seem that the simple, wholesome concept of a regular kid having regular fun wasn't good enough for some corporate no-brainer (who probably has Barbie-like nymphette on his arm) so 'they' have given Dora The Explorer a make-over.  We haven't yet been given the full view of the body-blitz but feast your eyes upon the silhouette ....

Who wants to  bet she has oversized eyes with sexy lashes; hair that ruffles and bounces lightly when she moves; pouty plumped up lips with some garish colored shiny gloss on them; has inappropriate clothes for jungle adventures and walks on her tippy toes in stupid cutesy shoes.  I'm also willing to call double or nothing on the fact that the 'new' Dora will giggle like a lobotomised lab rat and she will have a much higher pitched voice - annoyingly high pitched.  I think we are about to hear phrases like "oh my god Swiper I just so totally broke a nail! Diego get me some glue by slaughtering one of those wild stallions you saved by grinding it's hoves! Tee Hee Hee..."  Backpack will become a Hanna Montanna clutch, the stars won't be twinkling in the sky (she will have forcibly stapled them to her head), Diego will be wearing his trousers so low that we will be able to see his CK undies and Boots will be her pet accessory sitting on her shoulder with a big blingy 'B' hanging from his neck. 

I don't understand what anybody would think was wrong, she was great!  I know I bitched and moaned on the odd occasion about the singing map but I take it all back!  It's just that I had heard it every day of Amy's 3 year life and (give me strength) I truly comprehended that the map knew he was map.  It doesn't mean we should send her to a Hollywood clinic for liposuction, restylane, botox and hair extensions - for the love of little green apples just write her a new song! Let that cute little cartoon keep her innocence, ditch the fanny flashing mini and make a stand for what need not be brutalised.  A little girl is a little girl, she didn't need be model beautiful, exaggeratedly feminine or, lets face it, anything that is going to fill that dreadful silhouette that the butchering bastards on her creation team have released for us to 'eagerly anticipate'

Of course all of this is speculation but I boycott it already - RIP Dora .. we have all the DVD's but we won't be subscribing to the new Bratz-esque image that is, with certainty, about to saturate our television sets and feature on over-priced merchandise.  I was more than happy for the kids to know that ordinary people do extraordinary things with a positive attitude and good friends (even if they are talking animals and inanimate objects).

Little kids should be little kids.  Every day on the shelves in our department stores and on our televisions kids are inundated with clothing and concepts way to mature for their little selves - and now, now we get Dora the facy little twerp.

I think I just vomited a bit in my own mouth

The Big Reveal (maybe not)

HOW MUCH HAVE YOU CHANGED IN 15 YEARS

****15 YEARS AGO (1994)****
1) How old were you? 18.
2) Who were you dating? Jamie
3) Where did you work? Fellinis
4) Where did you live? Toowoomba
5) Where did you hang out? Home
6) Did you wear contacts or glasses? Neither
7) Who were your best friends? Jenny, Kathy, Rachael & Rob
8) How many tattoos did you have? None.
9) How many piercings did you have? My ears.
10) What kind of car did you drive? We didn't drive
11) Had you been to a real party? Yes.
12) Had you had your heart broken? Yes
13) Were you Single/Taken/Married/Divorced? Taken

14) Any Kids? One

***10 YEARS AGO (1999)***
1) How old were you? 23
2) Who were you dating? Callum
3) Where did you work? The Village Coffee Shoppe
4) Where did you live? Havelock North, New Zealand
5) Where did you hang out? In Auckland every chance we got
6) Did you wear contacts and/or glasses? Neither
7) Who were your best friends? Linda, Katrina and Ivana
8) How many tattoos did you have? One
9) How many piercings did you have? My Ears
10) What car did you drive? Holden Barina
11) Had your heart broken? Yes
12) Were you Single/Taken/Married/Divorced? Taken
13) Any Kids? Two

****TODAY (2009)****
1) Age? 33
2) Where do you work? At home
3) Where do you live? Albany
4) Who are your closest friends? Fiona, Tracey, Jodie and Kim
5) Do you talk to your old friends? Some of them
6) How many piercings do you have? My ears twice.
7) Do you wear glasses/contacts? Neither
8) How many tattoos? One
9) What kind of car do you have? Mazda Maxx 3 sports
10) Had your heart been broken? Yes.
11) How many kids? 4
12) Are you Single/Taken/Married/Divorced? Married.

What would you say has been the most remarkable change in yourself in the last 15 years?

I've developed an inability to put up with shit  - oh and I stick up for myself

Voila! 


I know this is all piffle and I do have decent writings to bestow upon your eager eyes, I am just severely lacking the spare solitary moments to put together the follies for you to feast upon - twill be soon - for sure ;)

Can you tell I am bored??

My Mangatar - Aren't I cute??  I personally just dig those pink stars

I know what you know

Answer the questions in a comment or an email so I can learn all your dirty secrets! [see my answers in Katies comments]

1. Can you cook?
2. What was your dream growing up?
3. What talent do you wish you had?
4. Favorite place?
5. Favorite vegetable?
6. What was the last book you read?
7. What zodiac sign are you ?
8. Any Tattoos and/or Piercings?
9. Worst Habit?
10. Do we know each other outside of blogging?
11. What is your favorite sport?
12. Negative or Optimistic attitude?
13. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
14. Worst thing to ever happen to you?
15. Tell me one weird fact about you:
16. Do you have any pets?
17. Do you know how to do the macarena?
18. What time is it where you are now?
19. Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
20. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
21. Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
22. What color eyes do you have?
23. Ever been arrested?
24. Favorite fictional character of all time?
25. If you won $10,000 dollars today, what would you do with it?
26. If you could have one superpower, what would it be?
27. What’s your favorite hangout?
28. Do you believe in ghosts?
29. Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
30. Do you swear a lot?
31. Biggest pet peeve?
32. In one word, how would you describe yourself?
33. Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?

I Heart My New PT + Mixed Bag

Yesterday was amazing internets!  Amazing!  Not just Forever-New-is-having-a-sale amazing, but it was Estee-Lauder-haver-released-a-new-fragrance amazing --- I started with a new personal trainer! *squeeee!* (who incidentally was my lecturer/course co-ordinator for my Cert III in Health & Fitness AND a very dear friend) but it was ...  oh heavens to betsy, it was the fo shizzle my friends.  Not that I don't love Mr IronMan (my current PT)  but he is just a bit inconsistent.  I am also at a stage where my goals require at least 2 session per week and Mr IronMan can only do one.  So for the moment Mr IronMan gets one session and she (Princess Pocket) gets the other.  I seriously have hearts dinking off my head dudes, she is THAT great. 

Today my back and biceps feel like mince meat, the biceps are not such a big deal because I have munted them before, but that back, the back has never been sore sore before-like-ever.  I actually have sore rhomboids *hee!*, and up until now that is a sentence I have NEVER been able to say.  Even though we chatted and caught up through the whole session she had a razor-eye for correcting technique and she never lost count accidentally (I did notice she would chuck in a few extras here and there but she is still on my Christmas Card list).  I won't spend the whole post faffing on but I think I have a girl crush on her in a totally non-leso way. 

Just as an aside to the above arse-licking, my legs and abs are also majorly sore from Thursdays self-smashing workout so I'm getting about like a 96 year old mutant with a pineapple up it's bum.  It's very pretty and I won't be going to the gym today ...  heh.

In other exciting news we have our tickets organised for the IFBBWA Pro Champs on March 28!  Me, my healthfood shop lady, my fellow building friend/workout partner and another lady are all going to head off down the highway to spectate at what I can only imagine to be an awesome show.  Barbie (healthfood shop lady) and I are staying right in the city so that we can get in some shopping on the Sunday before we head home, just to make it perfect.   

Now before I sign off for a cup of coffee I just have to tell you that cookies & cream muscle milk is yummier than yummy, and panelbeaters are arseholes.  I don't have my car back and thats all ....