Psychic Rations

Abandoned But Not Forgotten

Howdy from the toy chest - I'd give you all flowers and choc's as a sub-standard, sheepish here-I-am suck-arse but I know despite the cold shoulder that you can't help but check me out anyways.  Yeah .... I love you too ....

So I best give you all a numeric update because ..  well, you know why - foot notes to follow ..

1. Someone opened their door on my car while I was moving

2.  I still haven't lost my christmas fat, in fact I have added one more kilo to the cellulite party on my arse.  BUT, joy - I have gotten right back into my training in the last week and a half - it's a start

3.  Life does not exist outside of camping - T-1 day and counting!!!!

4.  Did I mention that someone dinged up my car??  My BENO ...  holy mother of god panelbeater-man what on earth was she thinking

5.  C is great

6.  Jess no longer has a chicky babe but Demie has a boy sniffing her out, hence I am back into my training with big BIG heavy weights

7.  Georgia and Amy are just sweet, without boyfriends

8.  The mining job is on another 2 month hiatus (at least) thanks to the BHP Ravensthorpe shut-down.  The mine I was going to is taking 60 of the Ravie workers

9.  I'm off to the International Federation of Body Builders Pro Championships at the end of March - YAY!

10.  I'm sure I already mentioned this but we are going camping and someone dinged my car; just so you know.

Twas a slightly overcast morn with the sweet smell of exhaust fumes in the air, when I set upon my car to transport the Georgia to school.  The birds beaks were turning cherry red from the carbon emissions, the sun was hiding behind the abysmal clouds and it was going to be just another happy lil grey day in Albany.  I pulled alongside this old van as I was heading to the carpark directly in front of where said van was parked WHEN ..  dun dun dun....  I saw the van door opening out and .. right onto my bonnet and side panel.  I hit the brakes and tried to swerve out but being that I was level with the door when she opened it, any razor-sharp reflexes and avoidance tactics were fanciful at best.  She hit the front light cover, and it runs the length of my bonnet as well as the side panel and ends just shy of the mirror on the passenger side

I got out of the car and I went over to the lady, "are you ok?", "are your kids ok?", "is there anything I can do for you?", "do you need a lift somewhere?", "can I call someone for you?".  I know, aren't I just a sweet little citizen?  Instead of launching from my seat, frothing at the mouth yelling "WHY THE FUCK DIDN"T YOU LOOK OUT YOUR WINDOW YOU (badly) BLONDED EEJIT????"  I just made sure she was ok and she didn't need anything.  What a pansy. 

And dudes, she was really really rude.  Did she ask me if my kids were ok?  Noooooo.  Did she ask me if I was ok?  Nooooooo.  Instead Lady Lovely Locks sneered at me and kept looking at me like I was the home-job-hair-police about to fine her for her bad brass.  At my request we exchanged details, I casually inquired if she was insured (No?  Well thats going to sting because 1 measly little 10ml of touch-up paint for my car is like twenty five bucks.  Three panels worth of damage is going to suck for you then). 

After a good five minutes of putting up with nasty pasty I wanted to get a bit pissy myself and unleash bit of vitriol in her direction, but obviously it was just an accident so reiterating her total stupidity was a bad idea.  In hindsight I am glad I kept it all in because it probably would have negated the lack lustre apology she bestowed on me with such sincerity "Uhhh ..  yeah ....  sorry". The apology of fault according to my insurance company.

So, after making sure there was nothing I could do for her (besides maybe standing still while she bludgeoned me with her semi-attached driver's door and then spontaneously combusting under her steely glare) I jumped in my car, picked up my mobile and rang C.  As soon as he answered I howled and snivelled and hiccupped and shook and drove my sorry ass home.  Gym was cancelled.

Lady lovely locks has to pay $3000 to fix my car.

There's not much to say about not having lost the Christmas fat.  I was completely out of my training groove for about 10 - 12 weeks.  I'm really not worried about it because I know now that I am rigorously training again it will come off.  Speaking of training, it has been awesome and I have been able to put all my weights up (go the creatine!).  I have also discovered that when you eat more you gain muscle mass easily and it stays.  To be completely honest I am surprised that I did not gain more weight in the time I had off because I was eating a whole lot of crap I knew I shouldn't have been.  It tasted good, I have a fat ass and big muscles - c'est la vie.

Moving on ...

We are going camping again!  Except this time we are fully equipped with our own tent.  After we came back from our last Outdoor Adventure we decided that we really did love it enough to kit ourselves out.  We went to all 4 places here in town that stock camping gear, we compared prices, features and quality and then we vicariously took the plunge (lured by discount - nylon whores we are).  We were excited and happy and excited - then we spent the next two weeks thinking we had bought the wrong one. 

It wasn't until we set it up last weekend that we decided we would give this one a chance to prove itself before we condemned it.    As doubtful as we may be of the tent, you couldn't say it isn't impressive.  It's a giant beige/cammo green Taj Mahal with three bedrooms, an annexe and oodles of shade opportunities.  With our deluxe RV shade attachment it morphs into a 4 bedroom home, each room with it's own entrance; and wall sized windows.  Smick baby, smick.  Our trepidation came from a) the fabric quality which the lady at Camping world assures us is as good as the majority (full money back guarantee if it shows any signs to the contrary) and b) our ability to make the annexe work without it flapping annoyingly in the breeze - which we have been able to rectify with some good sturdy tent poles the size of elephant legs and really impresive guy-ropes.

I'm heading out to Parry's tomorrow morning more than likely, while the rest of the family will follow Thursday afternoon.  I want to set up camp and have some one on one time with the great outdoors before my darlings come join me for 5 days and 6 nights of wonderful wilderness.  Beaching, fishing, exploring, good times, friends, fresh air and folleys.  We are officially converts and we don ourselves Mr & Mrs Outdoorsy with training wheels.

C is wonderful as always, for Valentines day we just had a sickeningly great time.  He got me all! 7! Seasons! of the West Wing - my favourite show EVER. I got him a new fishing rod, reel and tackle box (not that I am obsessing about camping or anything).  Being back at work always makes him a bit aloof and testy but he is trying not to bring it home and I'm trying to let it go. We are cruising along nicely and we only dislike each other every third or fourth day and it's fleeting so we are cool.  We are both super excited about blowing off the urban wasteland for the serene haven that is Parry's. 

(I actually read once that you aren't supposed to blog about your differences/arguments with your partner but I say boo to that - there is no fun at all if I am not allowed to hang him out to dry on my internet blog for public whipping and disapproval - besides he gets to vet all the nasty shit I put up)

Oh just got a text - Muscle Milk is in at the health food shop - have to fly in and pick it up and then make damper dough, prep a camp oven stew, bag the curry and get the ingredients together for a chicken chasseur plus more more more for our camping trip.  I'll try and get back later to do number 6 onwards

Chia xxxx

The Prodigal Returns

These days I seem to start all my entries with 'it's been a while', however this time stating the obvious is going by the wayside because I am ornery and not in the mood to play the pleasantries.  Apologies forthwith; but truly, had I written in the last month it would have been incoherent rubbish so trust me, it was better this way.

There's been little to report on any front but I will do you the honor of a quick, numbered run-down (because we all know how much I love my numbered lists).  Hang on to your bits because it is really riveting ..

1.  Job = still waiting.  Multiple mining accidents will always funk up a greenies plans to get working.  C'est la vie.

2.  But I do have the coolest purple work boots (YAY!)

3.  College is all done - got my competencies in the mail and I passed

4.  Although I will miss having the mental stimuli I am thanking christ it is over

5.  Training = excellent. I have had my ups and downs with it but sitting on 56.8kgs isn't too shabby

6.  Due to number 5 I have some semi-impressive girl googies

7.  I have taken lots of trips to Perth and have had a beYOOtiful experience each time

8.  I've discovered skinny cow ice-creams

9.  I'm re-organising my personal life so I don't get sucked into anyone else's bullshit (because you know - I'm SO over the school-yard at like 33 fucking years OLD)  Also at the moment, I am crazier than an electrocuted barn owl so I think I've bigger things to worry about.

10.  I have been humbled by the kindness of a stranger.  A person I hardly know has offered to do something for me that is life changing and very close to my heart.  Not being all cloak and dagger but I am going ahead with it and I will share whats going on when I feel my fragile little self is ready (and dudes I am   F R A G I L E  ....  I have had more snivel moments in the last 6 weeks than I have my whole life so I am not sure what the hell is with that)

Notations:

So about those mining incidents from number 1.  There was a couple of them in a very short space of time.  Bugger.  I'm still going up there for sure, but when is anybody's guess (BOO!).  I'm trying to live as normally as I can but it is like living Christmas eve every single day without ever having Christmas actually arrive.  You start to feel like someone has wrapped a bunch of fake boxes and stuck them under the tree just to keep you hanging on.  However, nay shall I be thrust into the land of bitter and twisted - I am an optimistic soul who will continue reading the training manuals (obtained on one of my fabulous trips to Perth) and admiring my purple work boots to keep the working morale high.  Ok, so maybe not  high - if I were to scale it on a 1 to 10 I would say my morale is sitting at about 3 with threatened descent to a 2.

College - sweet, sweet college.  I obtained a wealth of knowledge that I shall retain forever (Huh?  what was the cut-off for high blood pressure again - like 220 or something?? ...  KIDDING! ...  no, really, I am only joking,  I know that is much MUCH higher than that you silly!) oh shit, hang on what was I saying?  Oh yeah retaining information; so I have learned a bunch of things that were highly interesting, self-evolving and excellent general knowledge for quiz nights.  Not that I would do a quiz night again but still, you never know, someone might sequester me at gunpoint ..  This whole notation for college is disjointed and annoying so I will quickly surmise: It's done and I am not taking it further.  The first reason is because I would rather go up north and drive trucks away from people.  The second reason is because it is not being offered here in Hicksville because of declining numbers.  Our class finished with 2 people. I won't really be keeping in touch with my fellow class mate but my lecturer (see photie) is on the great buddies list.  We girl bonded for sure and it makes hearts dink off my head just thinking about it.

On to the training part of my meager existence,  it's really slow going but very rewarding.  I have to keep changing up my diet to keep things moving but I am experiencing some success and only have 2 - 3 more kilos to go (which will make me nigh on 30 kilos down - holy cow!).  Then I will have to move into the maintenance phase and learn how to keep my arse skinny.  I love doing the weights and I still get to indulge in little 30 minute runs to keep my inner adrenalin junkie high, so all in all I have balance.  The only thing I am lacking is rest, I suck at it and have no idea how to accept it as a part of my week so I still go 7 days and I rotate body parts.  I know I need to get some rest in there somehow and I will figure it out, promise.  Nutritionally I am kicking butt, nice clean days with good macro's and great variety.  I'm about to do a strict 3 day paleo to see if I can't shift down into the low 56's. I'm losing friends over this but I am beyond giving a fuck.  I'm still me and if I can't be recognised in size 7 or 8 clothes then I really was never seen anyways.  I'm skinny, I like it, get over it.

My trips to Perth have been for all kinds of reasons, mostly just to get away but in the trip during the holidays I picked up my training and induction pack, re-fitted my work pants (King Gee are SO sexy - aruh) and spent some time on some training simulators ....  big kick butt training sims worth 1.5 million dollars each  *SKWEEEE*.  It was an opportunity that presented with Mr Middle Management and we took it and ran.  I honestly thought with my zilch heavy vehicle experience that I would be really awful at driving my truck, sim or not, but as soon as I sat in that seat I felt like I was home and I could feel the love for my job.  I will spare you the blow by blow details of the scenario's we went through but I have to tell you it was SO hard to sit and just go through the motions when I wanted to squeal and happy dance and lick the steering wheel.

My last trip to Perth was equally as brilliant, catching up with another good friend who is going through a major career change as well.  From selling yarn to prison guard she is doing fabulously and has a real enthusiasm for what she is doing (understandably because it is pretty exciting stuff, I won't ever be able to self tan again without thinking of "bronzing up").  She is keeping me enthused about my truck driving through the tedious wait and it was awesome being able to share the experience and have someone else appreciate what it is like.  Anyway, we went and had some Mexican food at a place with cute waiters and shitty service - then we wandered across the park and ate an obscene amount of ice-cream (actually I ate the obscene amounts, she had half a cone while I ate 5 scoops).  Then I spent the next hour as clenched as a proctologists waiting room as my lactose intolerance enacted vengeance on my gizzards and I got laughed at - a lot.  We planned out emergency stops on the way home from Freo and ferreted out an enjo cloth in the glove box in case of dire need, but thankfully I didn't have to stop to down trou in the salt bushes, or use my enjo cloth for anything other than what it has been intended for.  A natural, chemical-free, squeaky-clean butt is not on my Christmas list.

Skinny cow toffee sundae cups rock, thats all I have to say about that.

This next one is an interesting one.  I've been unwilling sucked into a quagmire of other peoples crap and it's time to extricate myself and worry about my own problems.  I can't control other people, what they say or do and who they chose to be around. I will in future be more careful as to which situations I expose myself to, will learn to say 'no' when I think the gathering will be less than conducive to a peaceful and fun situation, and I'm going to put up a troll warning outside my front door.  I'm ordering a serve of solitude with a side of grumpy little bitch.   I wasn't joking about that barn-owl thing and I have to get that sorted BEFORE anyone else lines up for their bit.

The last one I won't rave on about because that will frustrate everyone but I promise I will tell all when I get the barn-owl thing sorted.  It's not on par with a national secret and it would be no big deal for anyone else, but for me it's something extraordinarily special.  For now I am just going to keep it to myself because my trust and faith in everyone has hit an all time low and I want to enjoy this gift.  I want to explore how I feel about it and I want to understand why it means so much.  To hear anybody belittle the gesture or tell me it's no big deal would probably snap that little string of sane influence I am desperately clutching on to in the uncontrolled, raging river of gut-wrenching loneliness that consumes me daily.  This would undoubtedly result in eye gouging, scratching and a mouthful of filth laden language - coated in pink of course ..

Going to register for NaBloPoMo as an intervention for my own blog neglect

Love from the crazy barn-owl

You Can Always Tell

when shit goes wrong because I never come here to write about it - tres bizarre as it is my blog (a dumping ground if you will).

No fleeing to the mines has taken place yet.  After the post of freaking-the-hell-out-because-oh-my-god-i'm-going, my app got pushed back by another two weeks for some reason and then ensued what can only be described as: a) the gods sending me some really HUGE signs, or,  b) an unfortunate turn of events.

In the last three weeks there have been no less than three deaths on mine sites, not just any old random mine sites, all the sites are owned by the same company (yep, the one I am supposed to be working for) AND ...  *big breath*  2 of those deaths have been within the last seven days. 

For me this means hiatus.  How long?  Don't know.  They have to go through all their safety and training procedures and as you can imagine, that is a lot of paperwork.  Thats all I am going to say about that for now.

 

Weight loss remains dormant as my food fluctuates between pristine-to-godly and filthy-dirty-but tastes-really-great.  I am quite happy that throughout the upheaval that is taking place on a weekly basis I am able to maintain, if nothing else.  I can very proudly report that I am now 12 days chocolate free and counting. I could really use a sponsor though, because I find myself in the lolly aisle of the supermarket practically fawning over the Boost bars before I am consciously aware that I have indeed migrated away from the fresh produce.  Well done me - and now lets giddyup some progress!!  Tis time to move along with this journey before I get all angsty and pissed off.

Training is going well, I haven't seen any major gains in muscle mass for a week or two but then I am staring at it every day willing my googies to grow.  I know I could have been training harder, but at the same time while I am living the sessions, I know I am not slacking off either.  I guess it is just time to take it to the next level of pain.

Well, thats it for now - hopefully all the crisis will fade so that I can spend a bit more time here - things are just a bit meh, pffffft and harrumph - apologies are always forthcoming

xx

Vroom Vroom

Yesterday was a really rough one dudes.  I was contacted by Mr Middle-Management as per the request of upper-management to let me know that I can expect my call either this week or next, and while I am as ready as I will ever be, it ain't the 5 weeks I thought I had left.

As I listened to the message on my mobile and then read the email that followed I got a little panicky, my butt started to twitch and I felt like I was suffocating, god there was no air!  It's real, it's happening; then I paced around my house for a good hour using that word that rhymes with truck, while my eyes misted up at random intervals (I tried to chew my nails but they are gel coated - so no dice, but worth a try ... heh) and I started to pee frequently (I do that when I am really nervous).   I'm trying so hard to keep it all together but I feel like my little legs can't keep up with the pull of the current and my head is starting to bob beneath the waters of New-Job-In-Hell.  I mean really, you can't prissy it up too much - the place is a wasteland of red dirt, dongers and mining pits with summer temperatures that entice the devil himself to vacation there.  It's twelve and a half hour shifts of both days and nights in a single rotation; mod cons will be scarce and female dignities will be such a total non-event I will barely believe my eyes.  Just to give weight to that dignities remark, while in Perth I rather flippantly asked Mr Middle-Management what happens when you need to use the ladies while driving (because two of my GF's posed the question on Friday night and twas not one I had given thought to), and you know what he said to me? He looked me dead in the eye and told me .... I would have to squat behind the wheel of my truck ...  Oh. My. God.  Do I even squat?? Can I squat??  Well, I guess if I can't squat I better learn quick because joy on joy I am going to be squatting.

There is no Moira to do a quick nail repair, there is no supermarket to duck off to if I forget something, there can be no white clothing,  and there is NO HOT WAX!  *hyperventilating*  I am destined to be a bushy eye-browed, mustached, man-handed, stinky, sweaty-ball of red dust that wanders errantly about the camp muttering to anyone who will listen about mythical things such as beauty salons, manicures and silky smooth skin.  Maybe I could pack some wax strips to sniff and lick in times of desperation.  Tuck them safely beneath my mattress (with the errant snakes I am told shall wander in at will) like a forbidden stash of beauty queen porn.  Clippings of beautiful hands and scratch-n-sniff perfume samples ....

I sat and looked at the list I came home with last week-end, thought to my self 'holy *insert word rhymes with trucking* shit ....'.  Then I rang C, Red, and my TAFE lecturer (to let her know I wouldn't be in last night because I was in a bit of crisis ta to stress).  It is a bizarre set of emotions that I am experiencing because I want to go.  I want this experience and I want to provide, and it's not the actual job I am afraid of; it's leaving home.  No matter which way I look at it, essentially I am going to be living the majority of my life somewhere else, which makes what is currently my home, a temporary pit-stop.  I'm afraid of disappointing people and not being the best I can be, I'm afraid the ache in my heart for my family will suck the life out of me and I'm afraid of losing my friends.  Big change is nigh and everything I know is going to cease ....

BUT

I can think up all the reasons in the world not to go and do this but there is one big one that outweighs everything else ....

I will be the little pink bit of butt floss sitting in the cab of that there truck up above .... 

Intermission

The whole working on the mines thing is starting to wig me out - I know it's exciting (and by all that is my Tommy Hilfiger pants I am excited!) but the reality of leaving my family is starting to set in and it has me in a very unusual place. 

Believe it or not I am a psychotic little creature (What? Me? Nooooo) and I can deal with day to day changes but this move is going to throw me completely out of my comfort zone.  I am going to be standing on my own, no safety nets behind me to fall back on - just me and a whole new working (and living) environment that I am going to have to adjust to.  One I have never seen or experienced and lets face it, will be predominantly male orientated ("Yikes" says the little anxiety attack waiting-to-happen).  I have thought all this through, and we have discussed it at length;  but please, just allow me this moment to freak-the-fuck-out. 

I'm scared.  Not 'boo ha ha' scared, I am sitting here trembling in my jocks as I start to prepare for the imminent phone call and preparation for leaving the nest.  Putting Amy to bed last night I looked on the moment and realised that I will only be able to kiss those little fingers for five days out of every three weeks.  My babies are going to grow and learn without me there to see it each and every day.  It makes me feel like I have taken those moments for granted and will regret it sorely when I leave and no longer have the luxury of sitting down for a chat with my girls, or be able to ask my son how his girlfriend is (whole new post of grey hairs there baby).  Financially this is the best chance for us and we know this, but this is a five to seven year project - I don't want to let Mr Middle-Management (who got me the job) down.  He has put his neck on the line for me several times and I swore that I would make the commitment and stick to it - it's signed sealed and delivered in perfume.

So like it or not I'm off; to make a better life for us and hopefully find a future that will provide us with some security.  If you see me over the next few weeks and I look a little fragile (waxing neglected and deranged) take a minute to fling some support in my direction.  It will be an adventure for sure but know I am praying that it is not the biggest mistake of my life.

Okay I am back to being excited again now ...

WHEEEEEE!